


Reaching Higher

by seamechope



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, The 100 Femslash
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:48:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,564
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27571042
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/seamechope/pseuds/seamechope
Summary: AU where Raven Reyes, the main character, is dealing with depression. Some other stuff happens but its still in the works.
Relationships: Abby Griffin/Raven Reyes, Echo/Hope Diyoza, Emori & John Murphy (The 100), Emori/John Murphy (The 100), Luna & Raven Reyes, Luna/Raven Reyes, Raven Reyes & Miles Ezekiel Shaw, Raven Reyes/Miles Ezekiel Shaw
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	1. Wednesday, March 4th

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning // depression, addiction, drug mentions, physical violence
> 
> Depression is a serious concern, and if you need help, please reach out to trusted friends or loved ones. This story itself cannot show you what depression is, nor is it something you should compare to yourself. It is simply fictional and for your entertainment.
> 
> On a lighter note, sea mechanic is one of my all-time favorite ships, resting in the #1 spot next to echope, which you also see in this story. This is pretty close to me, not in the terms of mental illness awareness, but in terms that it lets me connect with my favorite characters, even if this story isn't the show.
> 
> In short, although this doesn't summarize anything, have fun reading. Grab some snacks. Treat yourself. Remember, someone is always there for you.

The night started out cold and dark, something all too common for the city. Raven looked across the horizon, electronic lights blinking and buzzing. It was so peaceful, yet so chaotic. From the outside, everything seemed perfect; smooth, advanced, influential. But on the inside, Raven knew secrets were placed behind closed doors, or rather, closed windows. Shadows of figures could do so many movements, those of love, those of hatred. Dancing in glowing lights, waiting for morning to arrive. Always.

Raven’s mind was wondering too much, something she does often. She gathered the small things she had taken outside; her book, not that she actually began reading it, her laptop, full of uncompleted tasks and unanswered messages, and a pen she found earlier today on the sidewalk. She stopped, turning around in her chair before standing up and going back inside to her apartment. She leaned over the edge of the railing, feeling the wind shift and rush through her hair. The noises from the city invaded all of her senses, closing her eyes to feel the emotion. The air smelled sweet, in a polluted city sort of manner. Her fingers stroked the edge of the railing, tidbits of rust peeling off onto her hand.

It was all too real for her. The lines of the shapes that structured the world, the constants that should have been variables. Everything always happened in the same way, the same exact time, the same exact place. It wasn’t worth it. No one was there for her, it was just her and her alone. All of a sudden, the wind shifted. Raven felt it blowing into her face, creating a rather dramatic effect with her hair that if somebody had accompanied her up here would have laughed at. Although it was nothing more than a difference of pressure in the atmosphere, she took it as something more. _Don’t go any farther._ And she didn’t.


	2. Thursday, March 5th

She woke up late, as usual. Her clock read 8:15. Work started in 15 minutes, but what was it worth? She’d already missed too many days to count. From what she was getting paid, firing her if the budget happened to get cut wouldn’t even be a consideration- one day she would return home without a job. She got out of bed, not wanting an early morning headache to settle in. The hardwood of the bedroom felt oddly cold against her bare feet, so she gingerly walked across the hallway into the kitchen.

The apartment was probably something she was the most proud of. It only had three rooms, a kitchen, a bathroom, and a bedroom, but the view was something spectacular, even if it wasn’t valued. Her apartment was the second cheapest when she purchased it, next to the ones downstairs filled with drug users and people the landlords were too weary to kick out. Hers was on the third floor out of 16. The top floors were reserved for the rich, large penthouses that Raven could only and would only dream of. 

The dishes from past days were piling up because she never did them. The small fridge was empty, a common occurrence now. The only things in her pantry were a jar of honey and some stale crackers. It felt so weird, experiencing this even though she had money. Enough money that could support her and not make her seem this pitiful. She walked back to the bedroom, searching through the piles of clothes on the floor for something clean. She wasn’t sure if they were, but a pair of jeans and a striped shirt seemed like the best options. She didn’t shower before leaving the apartment.

The elevator ride always gave her too much anxiety, so she took the stairs. One or two drug deals later, she arrived at the bottom. The parking lot by the building was always deary. A couple lonely cars, owned by those who could afford it. The rich people packed their cars into a parking deck on the adjacent side, barely fitting in multiple sports cars among their own. She walked across the lot, small weeds and bits of departed gravel grazing her worn out shoes.

The wind blew from behind, easing her forwards as she ventured out on her ½ mile trek to the bank, where she was going to withdraw some money. The word, withdraw, toyed around in her mind for a couple minutes. Withdrawal, something so similar yet so different. Words with the same meaning; withdraw means to take, and withdrawal to take out from. Except withdrawal was always used with addiction.  _ Going through alcohol withdrawal. Going through meth withdrawal. Going through happiness withdrawal.  _

Raven Reyes’s mind hit a brick wall. Happiness withdrawal. The drug of gullibility and freedom, something the real world doesn’t contain. All happiness can lead to error, mostly that of her own faults. Something she didn’t control until she could cut it out of her life. She didn’t deserve to live above with everyone else, she had to live her life in ways that would let her be the most productive. Happiness withdrawal.

She snapped out of her thoughts, paying more attention to where she was walking. Sounds rushed past her ears, unsavory noises and thoughts invading her own. The world grew blurry as she stepped forward. It was normal, however, because this always happened. At least the lines weren’t so sharp.

Before she knew it, she had already reached the bank. She went in, withdrew her money, and came back out without paying any real attention. She glanced down at her hand, where 50 dollars rested peacefully. Her other hand was brushed by something else, something soft. She closed her eyes, placing herself in the moment

“Hey!”

Raven opened her eyes, the world quickly turning from darkness to gray and back to darkness. It grew light again, and she realized it was just her blinking. Murphy stood in front of her, questioning her blank stare. Raven hadn’t seen him since his wedding. It had been a fun night, telling stories about him and Emori around the table. Her favorite one was when Murphy had chased her out of a mall, eager to get her number before she left. Murphy had left her alone, but it was okay because Shaw was there. They were together then. Back when everything was normal, back when everything was good.

“Raven, haven’t seen you in a while,” Murphy started.

“Haven’t see you either, Mr. Leather Jacket,” she said, noticing his new apparel.

“Emori told me to wear it today- anyways, what’s up Reyes?”

“Nothing much, grabbing some cash to spend on male strippers,” she sarcastically replied.

“5 dollars won’t get you far, but try your best.”

“Fuck- I thought it was 50.”

“Now 50 could get you somewhere.”

“Murphy!”

He stepped forward and hugged her out of the blue. She didn’t know how to respond, so she just awkwardly hugged him back.

“Not much of a hugger?” He asked.

“Not currently.”

“Well, I need to get on my way- why don’t we plan something later this week?”

“That sounds good- catch you later.”

“See you later, Reyes.”

She walked forward, continuing her path back home. His footsteps faded out, melting into the conjoined blare of the city. Her own footsteps encapsulated noises that echoed around her insides, each one feeling more intense than the other. She put her left foot in front of her, except it slid backwards. This was odd, because there was no snow or ice. She closed her eyes, a reflex to the loss of feeling.

She opened them, but she didn’t see anything. It was just black- maybe a dark blue, maybe even a really dark brown. She felt something warm run down her face, trickling through her eyelashes and stinging her eyes. She closed them again, and only then did she gain feeling.

Her back hurt. Then her stomach. Then her shins, overwhelming her. Her feet were cold, which was unusual because what reason for which would they be? As noises started blaring she realized that she had been deafened for a time. It attacked her, terrorizing her senses. It wasn’t until it was over did she realize that it wasn’t just her senses.


	3. Saturday, March 7th

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> \--this one isn't done yet but I update it the end of almost everyday

Raven didn’t know where she was. It wasn’t her apartment, it smelled different and the ceiling was a different color. She stepped out of the bed, her head pounding and body aching. Someone was in the kitchen. The home was familiar but it wasn’t hers. It couldn’t have been hers, nothing was the same. The clothes strewn around weren’t there and dirty dishes didn’t cover the kitchen.

“You’re awake.” 

Raven rubbed her eyes, a big mistake. Spots covered her vision and she grew dizzy. 

“Raven, it’s me.”

Raven stepped forward, wondering who the person was.

“Raven? It’s me. It’s Abby.”

“Mom?” Raven questioned.

“It’s me. Come here.”

Raven walked carefully to Abby, bumping into the corner of the counter before reaching her.

“Raven, you got mugged on Wednesday.”

“No- I went to the bank and I saw Murphy and I talked to him.”

“Raven, Murphy is in Canada with Emori right now. I don’t know who you saw, but it wasn’t him.”

She thought back to the conversation, remembering how some details were off- and she didn’t hear Emori correctly.

“Oh.”

“You don’t have anything in your fridge, Raven.”

“I was going to get some-”

“I guess it didn’t end too well,” Abby said. “but enjoy some eggs, I know you liked them a lot when you were little.”

Raven gingerly picked up the plate, eating the eggs. It was hard to swallow, but she did it. She talked to Abby, who told her about the day prior and the mugging, how she was called first because someone saw her number as an unopened message on Raven’s phone.

After she finished eating, Abby turned on the shower for Raven. It steamed up the bathroom, making the air hot and heavy and blanketing her. She stepped in the shower, hearing a clink of pots and pans in the kitchen where Abby was cleaning up the food. The warm water trickled down her back, rinsing away all that was there.

Showers were always time for thoughts, something she never let herself do. Thinking wasn’t worth the error it would create, things should happen in the moment at any moment. But as the steam enveloped her, she could close her eyes and not let the world drown her, but let her drown out the world.

The knob made a squeaking sound as soon as she turned it, thrusting her back into reality. The mirror was all fogged up, so she proceeded to do something she hadn’t done since she was just a kid- she drew.

In the mirror, she drew flowers and faces and names and people and things. She drew big balloons and small trees. She curved reality into her own world, one where it was more natural. She found herself filling up the space quickly. In a small section at the end, she drew waves. Something so comforting to her, something that reminded her of love other than relationships.

She walked out of the bathroom to the bedroom, wrapping a towel around her body as she spotted a note on the kitchen counter. It read:

Raven-

I wanted to stay here with you, but I had to go to work. Marcus is bringing over dinner later, something nice you’ll like. I hope you feel better, I’m always here for you. 

Loves & Hugs,

-Mom

She walked to the bedroom, where she laid down on the bed in her towel, too unmotivated to dress or turn off the lights. Her phone buzzed, but it wasn’t worth getting up for. She turned a pillow behind her over, resting her wet head on it and falling asleep. 


	4. Sunday, March 8th

Raven slowly woke up, regaining consciousness before opening her eyes to her room. It was bright, sunlight streaming in through the curtains. It warmed her face, feeling pleasant. She touched her eye, flinching through the pain. In one motion, she swept off her blanket and stood out of bed. The floor was cold, but it was familiar. She was in her apartment, not confused as she was yesterday. She noticed next to her, on the bed was her phone. Getting herself to go farther than she had, she pressed the power button and began entering her password.

0 1 0 2

The number itself always came easy to her. It wasn’t her birthday, which was February 27th. It was her lucky number, well 102 was. The former just added another digit, suitable for the 4-number passcode requirement. She pressed the enter button, forcing her into hundreds of notifications.

Messages was her first chosen struggle. The top of her list was her mom, followed by her sister, her best friend, her father, and everyone else possibly involved in her life. Her mom had texted her a few days ago, a check-up. Maybe it would have been better if she looked at it earlier.

Next, Clarke. Her sister, someone she was so close with yet in this moment it didn’t feel that way. She was talking about her art, how she wanted Raven to come to her gallery. Too bad it was from a week ago. Maybe it would have been better if she looked at it earlier.

Echo followed her sister. Her best friend. They had known each other since college, two lost kids trying to get somewhere. She invited her over to dinner with Hope. This message was only from a couple hours ago, Echo always waking up early. Raven quickly responded, wanting to see someone other than herself.

Raven: yes! id love to go- anything special i need to wear?

Echo: not unless you plan on wearing a ball gown to a little dinner for hope

Raven: yeah, treating her special tn

Echo: im saying jeans and a tshirt, stop hitting on my girl

Raven: then whats the point of going? ballgown it is

Echo: see you later- make sure its lime, her favorite color

Raven: anything for your girl

She glanced up, smiling. A conversation with her friend was always so nice. The other notifications were just there, so she got to work on finishing messages before moving to instagram, snapchat, twitter, emails, everything. What a way to spend a Sunday morning.

A few hours passed by and she got ready; some clean jeans and a shirt. She even got around to putting on some makeup, wanting to make an impression on her friends she hadn’t seen in a while. It was time to go at 6.

The clock hit 6:00 pm, and she was heading out the door. She would make it there around 6:15, the time Echo wanted her to arrive. Everything was planned perfectly. She was even going to pick up flowers on the way there. It was all laid out, all set into points.

But it didn’t happen. Alcohol happened. At first, it was just a little sip to make getting flowers easy, anxiety worn out. A sip turned into a drink. A drink turned into a bottle. A bottle turned into missing any chance of going. 6:30 pm passed, then 7:30, then 9:00. It was all happening so fast. She drifted off to sleep, forgetting about Echo and Hope.


End file.
